I was so nervous today, to see them all in school when they knew I had gotten suspended some of their friends. I'm not happy at all it happened on my watch; in fact, I'm really sad. But everyone else thinks its about time, is happy all day, and I can't say anything.
What I don't know is how I'm going to navigate Thursday when they are back with me and when I have them all again. I pray that they will be like my other classes, who are getting quieter faster finally, and for whom some of the recess-losing seems to finally be working.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Suspended
5 of my students.
One called me by my first name, 4 were generally disrespectful of me, my class, the subject, etc. I don't feel at all bad about the first one, but a little about the other 4, who I couldn't even tell them the words that they said and the things that they did exactly. What none of them know is that the administration wanted to suspend the whole class, but I asked them to back down and just do the one kid who was absolutely not ok.
I felt bullied, today and the other days that we start class that way. But I feel like I have to figure out a way to teach them, since these first three weeks are hard. Really hard.
They applauded me in the teachers' staff meeting, because they were so impressed I had backbone. But I don't feel like I was nearly consistent enough, or good enough, or anything enough.
At the very least, I am not letting it color the rest of my classes, which I have been having a good time with, and while I wish I were stronger, that I wasn't needing to fight a war, I am hoping already to just win and be done with the whole stupidity of the first few weeks...
One called me by my first name, 4 were generally disrespectful of me, my class, the subject, etc. I don't feel at all bad about the first one, but a little about the other 4, who I couldn't even tell them the words that they said and the things that they did exactly. What none of them know is that the administration wanted to suspend the whole class, but I asked them to back down and just do the one kid who was absolutely not ok.
I felt bullied, today and the other days that we start class that way. But I feel like I have to figure out a way to teach them, since these first three weeks are hard. Really hard.
They applauded me in the teachers' staff meeting, because they were so impressed I had backbone. But I don't feel like I was nearly consistent enough, or good enough, or anything enough.
At the very least, I am not letting it color the rest of my classes, which I have been having a good time with, and while I wish I were stronger, that I wasn't needing to fight a war, I am hoping already to just win and be done with the whole stupidity of the first few weeks...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
On the other hand...
Last night I had a conversation with a veteran teacher who actually has some experience with the DD stuff and some other things and especially middle school. We talked about a lot of what I've been doing, and I started to realize that although I have been made to believe that I'm doing everything wrong, I actually seem to be doing a lot right, and that just from thinking about things, I have come up with a lot of the strategies that other teachers use all the time...
I now think that I will have them enter my classroom and have them be timed on the entrance cards, a zero for anyone who doesn't have it done in time... And maybe with grades they will be serious about being quiet and doing everything they are supposed to. I hate to motivate with grades, but my present system allows for a lot of taking advantage of me, and I have to stop that before I always have to teach in 5 minute intervals..
I now think that I will have them enter my classroom and have them be timed on the entrance cards, a zero for anyone who doesn't have it done in time... And maybe with grades they will be serious about being quiet and doing everything they are supposed to. I hate to motivate with grades, but my present system allows for a lot of taking advantage of me, and I have to stop that before I always have to teach in 5 minute intervals..
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
What isn't working
I know that I need to do goals and then assessment, and I didn't do that because I didn't realize this was a unit until I was teaching it. And then I did the unit, I need to assess it, I didn't have a main point or maybe I did, I don't know how to write the assessment, I am falling into a trap of being one of these stupid kinds of outdated teachers who just asks questions on content that they can memorize.
I can't test them without having them have seen the syllabus with the expectations for grading and without organizing them, their binders, and Edline with them.
I don't know how to introduce the students to using supplies, taking responsibility in my classroom, or even organizing their binders because I don't know how to get quiet for long enough to do it without fighting them.
I don't know how to frame a conversation on goals so that they will generate what they want to learn this year.
I don't know how to talk about rules/expectations. Actually I do but any time I start they feel like it's cheesy and I can't take myself seriously enough to get it done.
I feel like I am doing too much work because students aren't even taking responsibility for things like putting the desks back where they were when they came in. I don't know how to teach that.
I feel pressured because I am supposed to have the syllabus and expectations/rules and also the goals all done by next Wednesday because that's the day we have open house with parents. I am also supposed to have started my next unit by then so it doesn't get broken up between the Chagim, and in between I haven't done any of this, I still have to do all the logistics for them which means I'm working too hard for no reason since they are in 7th or 8th grade, they do badly with the small set of procedures I have taught them, and I have to give a test on this badly deigned unit that I have taught without planning.
I don't know how to teach a lesson on procedures. All these people saying "just teach it" or "model it" isn't working for me. I feel stupid, they feel talked down to, and I can't seem to do it.
I don't think I have enough time to do all of these things and get them into a lesson when it takes 30 minutes to get quiet and when I don't have enough time to do anything while I endlessly wait for quiet.
We can't use the quiet signal anymore, so that reduces me back to shouting. I can't seem to keep up with any expectations in order to keep the students feeling safe without feeling talked down to, and doing anything at this point is all about how loud I can yell. I hate that I'm becoming a monster that is exactly the kind of teacher I don't want to be.
I can't test them without having them have seen the syllabus with the expectations for grading and without organizing them, their binders, and Edline with them.
I don't know how to introduce the students to using supplies, taking responsibility in my classroom, or even organizing their binders because I don't know how to get quiet for long enough to do it without fighting them.
I don't know how to frame a conversation on goals so that they will generate what they want to learn this year.
I don't know how to talk about rules/expectations. Actually I do but any time I start they feel like it's cheesy and I can't take myself seriously enough to get it done.
I feel like I am doing too much work because students aren't even taking responsibility for things like putting the desks back where they were when they came in. I don't know how to teach that.
I feel pressured because I am supposed to have the syllabus and expectations/rules and also the goals all done by next Wednesday because that's the day we have open house with parents. I am also supposed to have started my next unit by then so it doesn't get broken up between the Chagim, and in between I haven't done any of this, I still have to do all the logistics for them which means I'm working too hard for no reason since they are in 7th or 8th grade, they do badly with the small set of procedures I have taught them, and I have to give a test on this badly deigned unit that I have taught without planning.
I don't know how to teach a lesson on procedures. All these people saying "just teach it" or "model it" isn't working for me. I feel stupid, they feel talked down to, and I can't seem to do it.
I don't think I have enough time to do all of these things and get them into a lesson when it takes 30 minutes to get quiet and when I don't have enough time to do anything while I endlessly wait for quiet.
We can't use the quiet signal anymore, so that reduces me back to shouting. I can't seem to keep up with any expectations in order to keep the students feeling safe without feeling talked down to, and doing anything at this point is all about how loud I can yell. I hate that I'm becoming a monster that is exactly the kind of teacher I don't want to be.
What's Working
3:15 pm. The middle of office hours. I brought computers today, and said that when they're done with their homework, they could go online.
This morning I had 4 periods where we did independent work and I demanded complete silence in the room while we did it. It was really hard for me to get silence, and by the time I got it quiet, it was already time for the bell to ring.
But I really don't believe in quiet. Or, I believe in quiet, but not absolute silence. Right now they are all talking quietly, playing on the computer, and doing homework. They're working so well together that I don't want the bell to ring, and it isn't quiet. I'm happy for the first time all day, I can see they're working really well because they're being quiet, and I wonder why this needs to be different from a class period where I ask for silence. Maybe I have to know that I can have them be quiet, so I have to have them be quiet for the first 6 weeks so they can learn, but I want to build them until they can do it all by themselves, until they can feel safe and structured not in perfect silence, and until I can get a good tone going.
8D, by the way, is my favorite class. They're the ones that all have special needs, where I have in-class support, and where no one believes they can do anything. I expect them to be able to learn independently by the end of the year. No one believes that they can. But I am sure they can, and they can do it well.
This morning I had 4 periods where we did independent work and I demanded complete silence in the room while we did it. It was really hard for me to get silence, and by the time I got it quiet, it was already time for the bell to ring.
But I really don't believe in quiet. Or, I believe in quiet, but not absolute silence. Right now they are all talking quietly, playing on the computer, and doing homework. They're working so well together that I don't want the bell to ring, and it isn't quiet. I'm happy for the first time all day, I can see they're working really well because they're being quiet, and I wonder why this needs to be different from a class period where I ask for silence. Maybe I have to know that I can have them be quiet, so I have to have them be quiet for the first 6 weeks so they can learn, but I want to build them until they can do it all by themselves, until they can feel safe and structured not in perfect silence, and until I can get a good tone going.
8D, by the way, is my favorite class. They're the ones that all have special needs, where I have in-class support, and where no one believes they can do anything. I expect them to be able to learn independently by the end of the year. No one believes that they can. But I am sure they can, and they can do it well.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Snow Day!!!
A sewer pipe broke, and we got to go home as soon as we got there. It felt like Heaven to have a day off that I didn't have to spend planning or doing something useful during.
We watched a movie, hung out, did stuff (me and the other young teacher) and in general had the best day I've had in I don't even know how long. I don't even remember the last time I wasn't nervous, and it felt awesome. Absolutely Heaven.
We watched a movie, hung out, did stuff (me and the other young teacher) and in general had the best day I've had in I don't even know how long. I don't even remember the last time I wasn't nervous, and it felt awesome. Absolutely Heaven.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Shabbos
I slept the entire Shabbos. Well, I went to dinner, and to lunch, actually, but I slept like a rock the rest of the time. I barely even woke up when it was over. And then I just went back to sleep. All the exhaustion of the whole week of stress just caught up to me. But I think this week will be better. Or at least, I hope it will.
I figured a bunch of things out, like how to start off firm. I'm still working on how to stay firm for more than 5 minutes when I actually don't want to be, and how to enforce the hand-up-mouth-shut policy when I'm the only teacher that takes it seriously.
But I'm in a million times better shape than I was in this time last week, and I know now that it is going to be hard, but also that it's something I am going to learn how to do until the end of the year, and that's exciting.
In Nano (novel writing month) there are four weeks:
1 -- where it all seems easy and exciting and new
2 -- where it's impossible and you just want to cry and stop
3 -- where it turns possible again
and 4 -- where the ending writes itself and you are along for the ride
I'm firmly into "week 1" of teaching now. I know it will get hard, but I also know that I'm committed, and that the ending will be awesome and the ride will be great.
Who's excited?!
I figured a bunch of things out, like how to start off firm. I'm still working on how to stay firm for more than 5 minutes when I actually don't want to be, and how to enforce the hand-up-mouth-shut policy when I'm the only teacher that takes it seriously.
But I'm in a million times better shape than I was in this time last week, and I know now that it is going to be hard, but also that it's something I am going to learn how to do until the end of the year, and that's exciting.
In Nano (novel writing month) there are four weeks:
1 -- where it all seems easy and exciting and new
2 -- where it's impossible and you just want to cry and stop
3 -- where it turns possible again
and 4 -- where the ending writes itself and you are along for the ride
I'm firmly into "week 1" of teaching now. I know it will get hard, but I also know that I'm committed, and that the ending will be awesome and the ride will be great.
Who's excited?!
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