Pre-Planning and Coddling

Today was the first day of pre-planning/orientation for teachers. I was happy that I knew almost half of the names, since I went to the seminar two weeks ago. A long day of administrative details said enough times that even I understand them followed. They made us new teachers introduce ourselves in front of the group and embarrassed us to death because they're so excited about us.

Which brings me to the first problem I have as a new teacher.

I like that they are supportive. I appreciate that they all want to help me, and want me to do well. I am grateful they want to help me put up my bulletin boards and posters and meet with me to talk about my curriculum. I even appreciate that they gave me a curriculum, so as to make sure I won't get lost in November when the first-year blues hit.

BUT

First year teachers come with a million ideas for how to do things new ways. I can't sleep at night, thinking a mile a minute about all the ways I can make this year the best on ever, this subject the best one ever, for my advisory students and my seventh grade and my eighth grade and my remedial class. I can't stop thinking and dreaming. I also can't stop memorizing --new policies and procedures and carpool zones and names of secretaries. I was overwhelmed my first week, and I will be again next week when the kids come. But for right now, I'm flying.

And that's why when a new Mishna-head comes along with 100% socialized curriculum boks, saying we aren't allowed to deviate from the lesson plans in the book, and we have to teach memorizing even though the school, and my education, don't think it's fair to grade something not everyone can do, and we have to test standardized and put up their posters and not do anything else, all year, I just feel cramped. I believe in the goals of the book. I just think that my personality might want to write some lesson plans that aren't about the sacredness of the Mishna as G-d's word but are more about people who lived in the time of the Mishna and how the rules affected their lives. And that's in the book. I don't want to skip or to change anything. I just want to be trusted that my education was sound, and that I will figure it out, that at least some of my ideas will work, and that when the others don't I will ask for help and figure it out. I am finding a way to be assertive enough to say when I don't need the help, without hurting but also without letting myself be treated like I'm a kid.

And let me tell you, my first day of parent-teacher intake conferences was difficult to do in a room that doesn't look beautiful like some of the others, but except for one parent (the first), I was treated with total teacher-awe. I'm learning that I do look the part, and that even if I don't, it's pretty clear that I'm serious the minute I open my mouth.

Going to have to do something about the white lie of "Sure, I taught some last year", though I don't want to tell parents I'm totally green or I'll never keep it a secret from the kids like they all tell me to. It's a good thing we had student teaching...